Help Wanted, Apply With in

Okay so, I was talking to a friend about my upcoming 10 year high school reunion when it hit me. Now, I don't have a date! Oh my God! What am I going to do?

Meeting women is harder than you would think. I am finding it so much harder than it was college. But well, that was college,and there were a lot of girls just starting to figure out their sexuality, and even some who were just sluts. I played my part well. That is kinda how I met Ze Queen.

Lately, I have been making a real effort to go out, and to go out where there will be lesbians. I go to the bars, and bbq's with the rugby girls. It is nice to get out, but it is hard sometimes, because most bars down here do the "fish fry" (lesbian night) on Thursday nights. Thursdays are my early day, so I am running on empty by the time I leave. But, I go. I had been going to Hoedowns in Midtown, but this Thursday is Le Buzz, I have not been on Dyke night, so it should be fun. I hope it brings out more women, 'cause pickin's are usually slim at Le Buzz. That bar was better married.

I have also been talking to a few girls online, here and there, but let's face it...it is online. There have been a few really interesting girls. The problem is that these things cost money. To say more than hi, wink or woo, it cost on average $30/month. I do like OkCupid.com...it's free. Mainly for the test because I am a test junky.

But the problem still remains. Who the hell am I going to take to my 10 year reunion? Wanted:

SGWF ISO SBi/GF for a date for July 22nd, 2006. Must be smart, funny, and attractive, be able to dance and impress large numbers of strangers. Wanting to sleep with me afterwards a plus, not a must. Smoking/Drinking Ok. Please respond by May 15th.

Birthday Wishes

HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY BABY RAY!!!!!

Who's the slut now!

No longer can DD say anything about anyone being a slut. She has out done herself this time.

We went out on Saturday night. Before we left the house DD had already had a 32oz drink. She drank another on the way. For those who really know DD, it was one of THOSE nights. By the time we got to where we were going, she was lit.

Since we had recently discovered that DD and I can't work a bar together and hook up at the same time, we split up. That was probably the first mistake. She continued to drink and went out to the patio to troll for men. After being there for about an hour, she talked to this guy DJ, who was already attached and instructed him to bring her a man. He asked what kind..."A black man that knows how to move," she replied.

He came back with this "pocket brother," seriously the guy was about 5'0". It was funny, she called him Ez E. She proceeded to make out with him and do dirty dirty things on the patio. After he left she found another small man to do dirty things with. All the while still drinking. She lost track of time, money and her common sense.

After a while she came back in and told us she needed to go to the bathroom. I nodded, just happy she checked in, and let her stumble off alone. Lacy Panties asked if we should follow and I said, "No, she is fine," (second mistake) and went back to my conversation. About 15 minutes later the bar was closing and DD was no where to be found. She had not come back to the bar.

The search began. We had a bunch of people helping us search at first, then two girls sitting in the lobby told us she had gone with some guys in the elevator to their hotel room. Three guys to be exact. We were really worried then, but I decided there was not much I could do short of knocking on doors, so Lacy Panties and I waited with our other friends for DD to resurface.

By the time she had been missing for about 45 minutes, some guy came out of the men's room (the one place we didn't look) and said there were two people having sex in the stall. I was not in the lobby when it happened, but one of the girls went in to the bathroom pretending to be hotel security and fished her out. She had not responded to us calling for her, but when she heard "Hotel Security" she quickly found her skirt. She came out after she dressed and by that time I was there. She then announced to the entire group that she was a whore. It was classic! We clapped for EzE when he came out too.

Fortunately, she had not gone upstairs like we feared, but unfortunately she had run into the "pocket brother" on the way out of the bathroom 45 minutes before. Who kissed her and lead her into the men's room.

New Rule, DD does not go to the bathroom alone when she is that drunk. Or she does not get that drunk unless she is with her cousin.

The upside, because there is always an upside:

Gas to get there...$15.00
Drinks from the bar...$80.00
Condom...$.75
Watching DD walk out of the bathroom and being able to remind her about the next morning...Priceless.

Anonymous bathroom sex!!!! Who is the slut now!!!!!

Fun in the fishbowl

We are all about fun here at the bowl. I believe that work is for work and home is for fun. If you are not having fun, really what is the point? I have found that even the most mundane task can be made much better if you have good friends to laugh with while you are doing it. Which I guess is how we get anything done around here.

That is of course unless Lacy Panties just takes over and does it. Poor thing, she has been jobless for the longest period of time since she was 16. Our house has never been so clean, it is insane. Even the yard looks nice. I am not complaining.

If you read the spinster page you know that DD is a dirty dirty girl. She has nothing to say about me talking on the internet now. Who's trolling for whores now!

So finally I have to say after a month of being single, I have decided that it really sucks. It doesn't help that half of the bar thinks DD and I are dating, and those who don't think I am a "piranha." Thanks DD, but NOT HELPING! Even if there is someone worth pickin' up, and the pickin's are usually slim, DD tells them I am some kind of a predator. It's like college all over again, when all my friends would warn the girls I was dating.

Now do I seem that horrible to you?

Okay, so maybe I do believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with having friends with benefits. I don't think that makes me a predator, or a "piranha" as DD would say, but just aware of my own needs.