Halloween at the fishbowl.

Tonight is the Halloween party at the fishbowl. We are all very excited since this is the best holiday of the year. Think about it...No family stress, you get to dress up and you get to drink. Really what could be better?

It is a fishbowl tradition to have a Halloween party. Every time we get all dressed up, decorate the house, and think no one is coming. We get trashed while waiting, because we think, no one is coming what are we going to do with all this booze? So we developed a system to deal with the possiblilty (not reality mind you) that no is coming. First there is the "pre-decoration" shot. Then there is the "mid-decoration" shot. After that we make the punch, which means we have to sample it (all of us have to sample it) at ever stage of production. Next there is the "yeah everything is ready" shot. Then we just sit and drink until people get here. The problem is that we don't always know who came. On the upside, we hear everyone has a good time at our parties.

This year we made people RSVP, so we could leave them some punch. It should be fun. DD is a little disappointed because most of the guys have backed out, so again this year it will be a fish-fry (kinda like a sausage party which is with all guys, a fish-fry is characterized by all girls) which is par for the course at the fishbowl. I don't know if men can survive in the fishbowl for long.

We are taking pictures to post so stay tuned.

Repetitive Motion injury

I have been told by my Doctor that I have tendenitis in my left elbow and my wrist. Apparently it is a repetitive motion injury, basically tennis elbow and the beginning of carpeltunnel.

So, I have been trying to identify what I have been doing (since I don't play tennis) to cause this, knowing that the doctor will ask first thing. I know that typing is a big part of it (typing one handed now), because I have had the wrist problem for years now. I use a wrist guard that when I type at work, but that did not cause the elbow. So, I thought maybe it is the fact that I am answering the phones more. I always reach with my left hand and that would defiantly be the motion that hurts the most.

Then I thought about it. It flares up most after sex. This is a problem. After surviving Lesbian Bed Death or LEB, I am now really enjoying having a full sex life.

Ze Queen insists this is not the cause, perhaps a factor, but not the cause (which is probably true that it is not one thing causeing but multiple things that require the same motion) and forbade me from telling the doctor that I thought that might have something to do with sex. You see, she also sees the same doctor, along with both of my parents and my little brother. Not that I think the doctor would say anything to them, if fact she can't with HIPPA, but Ze just didn't want her to know all that.

So in the end, I told her about the phones, and that I type at home now more (damn blog). She looked a little uncertain, but accepted it. She suggested getting a headset for work, icing and splinting when I sleep. Also I am not to use that arm unless I need to.

Here is my question, would sex qualify as a "need to?"

Fishbowl Fighting

A Warner Bros cartoon fight just broke out about about the thermostat,...That was the best fight ever!! Duck Season!! Wabbit Season!! Duck Season!! Wabbit Season!! Too funny, however Yosimite Sam had to break it up...Hilarious! Funniest fight Ever!!! Had to seperate them for a few minuites though to distract them or it would've gone on all night.

Amusing Work Moments....

The New Company President

My first conversation with the new president of our newly formed company happened unexpectedly during an average day but a busy phone phone day.

A very important customer called and I informed my supervisor (as I am apt to do with delicate situations CYA!!), put the call on hold, grabbed my glass of sweet tea and followed her as she went to the front to get her boss. Once there wouldn't you know it, the president was in.

Fortuitouse! I had wanted to introduce myself! He decided to take the call AT MY DESK!!! I freaked out a little, but he seemed determined, and he followed me to the very back of the building (where they keep us miscreants) which is where my desk is.

I took a sip of tea on the way there and was so tense that I began choking on it! I tried to explain through gasps that this is not me normally (watching for lightning of course, because it is typical me). Between coughing fits I stole glances at him...He looked as if this was perfectly normal behavior. Good!! We'll get along just fine...


A Lunchtime Puzzle

Ok, I had no money at all for the coke machine. I had a tea bag.

We were out of normal sized coffee cups and only had tiny water cups about the size of shot glasses. My own coffee mug is lined on the inside with metal.

I was thirsty, there isn't a water cooler and the tap is crusty. I am sooo not just going to drink the water unless I boil it first!

So,..I put water in two of the shot glasses, zapped it to boiling, put the tea bag in the metal cup then dumped the now boiling water into it. Voala! Some sweetner and ice out of the freezer and I had sweet tea.

I recently came to the realization that there were regular coffee mugs under the microwave...Oh well, if I hadn't been sooo dehydrated I might've noticed.

Because you asked...

So here are a few of the pictures from my baby dyke phase. These are all from college and are from '98/'99.

This is me, outside the Statesboro Mellow Mushroom holding a puppy called "the paperwork" we had just snuck into the restaurant for dinner. He was so small we didn't want to leave him outside.

Check the tye-dye and the leather vest. Plus the old Earth Jam '94 hat with the frieghed edges.

This is me outside the Rotunda at GSU, I was what they called a Rotunda Rat, meaning part of an assortment of freaks and hippies that sat out there smoking cigarettes and skipping class.

This is me out somewhere. It is a really bad picture. I stole it from my friend's scrap book.

I personally like the sweater vest. I had several in a variety of colors and textures. They worked with white tee shirts, oxfords, long sleeved tee shirts, or just by themselves.

I am still lookin' for some pics in flannel and polo's. I was actually bigger then. My freshman 15, turned into the sophomore 30, then finally became the junimore (still technically a sophomore, but it was my third year) 50. This was also when I was trying to grow out my hair. I always wanted cute short hair, but it never worked for me. Remember...It's never a mullet - when it's you.

So you see, I am much better off with guidance.

I wish I was a baby dyke again

So DD cut my hair the other night...It is short! She took the time to show me how to style it, which when done looks like Sharon Stone. The problem is I can never get it to do that. No matter the product, or procedure. I am so inept at those girlie kind of things that it is sad. I spent to much time protesting and rebelling that I never learned what to do as far as makeup and hair. I had to be shown how to use moisturizer a few weeks ago ya'll...Isn't that sad? I am driving DD crazy. I now, for the first time in my life, recognize the need for things like moisturizer and hair products, but I am so bad with them, and so self conscious that I make DD show me time and again and ask her every five minutes, "is this right" or "how does it look now".

I miss the days when I could pull off a hat and flannel in the way only the cute little baby dykes can. I miss not caring about how I look and being cute at the same time. I miss not needing make-up. I miss the 5 years that I did not use hair products at all save for shampoo. I looked so much younger than I was I was able to pull it off longer than I should. But, those days are long gone.

Now, I use not one but two different types of hair product every morning. I use moisturizer before I put on my make-up, yes that is right make-up. Not much mind you, just something to hide the dark circles, and some mascara, oh and some eye liner because it makes my eyes stand out, and some eye shadow sometimes - a light color, yellow or pink, and now Ellen has added lipstick, pink with a tinge of coral.

What has happened to me.

All my old collared polo shirts are gone thanks to DD. I have only one flannel, well and two plaids that are just cotton, but Ze Queen has taken those (that I don't mind so much, it is hot to see you wife laying their in your shirt). DD has me shopping in the exclusively in the girls section again. I will admit, it looks good. In fact it looks better. I never was much of a boi, but I do miss trying to be one.

If I were to try now and not wear make up and wear my old baby dyke uniform (baggy jeans, Doc Martins, a wife beater, a sleeveless flannel and a ball cap) I would either scare people or just be called "sir" a lot. I know this because in a fit of nostalgia I tried one day. I don't look as cute and non-threatening anymore. People got out of my way quick.

DD has done a whole "straight eye for the seriously helpless queer girl" and says we are going for an academia look. I look now less like a line backer and more like a young professor at a small liberal arts college. It works, I will tell you what, it really works. I get checked out a lot more now, especially by the newest crop of baby dykes. It is actually a joke to see how many little girls I can make blush when we go out. Hopefully I can ride this out for another 7-10 years like I did the baby dyke look.

Maybe I miss the youth more than the style.

I hate Fox News

They make me watch Fox News at work. It makes my blood pressure go up and my ears red. I HATE Fox News! Facist, that is what they are Facist. Mouth peices for the administration! Fuck them!

DD will never be a lesbian!

Last weekend I was the one that got so drunk that I did require IV medication in order to stop throwing-up...This weekend, I paid back DD and Ze for having to baby sit me. Last night we went to Le Buzz, Cobb County's gay bar. I had not been in about 5 years, and it has grown tremedously. I enjoyed myself, but DD and Ze REALLY enjoyed themselves. I had to baby sit not one, but two drunks. To there credit they were well behaved, but still not an easy task. Herding drunks is like herding cats.

First off it is important to note that upon entering and going to the bar, Ze found out she went to school (like elementary on) with the bartender. They even dated for a minute in middle school. This meant our drinks were really good all night!

I knew I was in trouble, when we were dancing and some little short shit of a guy comes up and starts rubbing on Ze Queen, who usually will throttle any man who touches her that she doesn't know, but last night she just giggled and kept dancing. Now friends, Ze and I were just dancing, it is not often that we do dance together in public and he just came up behind her and started grinding. According to DD, he had wood, which is so gross! He started dancing with DD, after I gave him a "back off you little shit" look, that is how she found that he was hard and thought it would funny to steer him back to Ze who just continued to giggle as they danced me almost into the stage. Now why would you go to a gay bar and try to start something with two girls who are dancing, especially when I was a good 6" to 8" taller than you and could clearly break you in half. But Ze, just giggled. I almost had to kick his ass ya'll. Don't start dancing up on my wife, who is dancing with me, and grind your nastiness on her. To all men out there...If two girls are dancing and one looks like she could seriously take you in a fight...LEAVE THEM ALONE - THEY DON'T WANT YOU, AND YOU ARE IN DANGER IF YOU CONTINUE!

Next we go back to the bar area (after escaping the "woody the little shit" which is what I named him) and I find DD making out with some guy, who was buying her drinks. But he had a comb-over, which is just wrong. As a friend I had to pull her aside and tell her "JUST SAY NO" to comb-overs. I am sure he is a nice guy, but you don't let your first one-nighter in a long time (maybe ever...We will have to check that) be a comb-over. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the balding men, but just don't do the comb-over. Anyway she also found this delightful girl with the cutest dimple in the world to dance with and possible more...If she was lucky and she left her to suck face with the comb-over. Further proof she will never be a lesbian. BonnieSituation, this is why you will always have more points. Leaving the cutest girl in the bar (excluding me of course) to suck face with a comb-over automatically strips any and all previously earned lesbian points (which frankly she didn't have that many to begin with).

We left about 2:30 (closes at 3am), the drag queen at the bar exclaimed as we walked out "That polish girl (DD) can really drink and she is funny as hell." I took them both to the Waffle House to get some food in them so they could sober up. There DD delighted all the waitress outside with her penis lighter and some how got them to give her a coffee cup after I told her she could not steel it. By the time we got home it was about 4am. I went to bed, but as some of you know Drunk Dialer made some calls. I would love to hear about them if you could post them I would appreciate it.

Happy National Coming OUT Day!!

Happy National Coming OUT day to all my Queer Friends. This year I am celebrating my 9th year out and proud. To those who don't know, National Coming OUT day is celebrated on October 11th every year and marks the anniversary of the 1987 March on Washington. I came OUT 9 years ago today, when I was a freshman at Georgia Southern Universty. In 1996, you just didn't come out in high school (though I had a pretty good Idea then)...at least not in Cobb County GA. It amazes me how much has changed, as an out dyke I have a lot to be proud of.

So here it is:
I am proud of my life and of my family. I am proud that I have been married to a wonderful woman for 2 years (we have been together for 7 total). I am proud that at my wedding my father walked me down the ile and gave me away to my wife. I am also proud to say that I am now OUT at work finally(although most people I worked with already knew). I am Proud to see that attitudes towards LGBT people in general have improved so much in the last 9 years. I am proud to see so many LGBT youth that are able to come out and not have to be scared.

If you are going to make this a lifestyle...

Okay so yes I was plastered at the dip. I was sooooo drunk that I don't remember much after about 10pm. I don't know how much I drank or what I did, though DD and Ze Queen have been more than happy to fill in the blanks. Apparently, I was the life of the party.

The next day I was soo sick I had to get a shot of antinausa medicine because I could not stop getting sick. Then I was told by the nurse, "If you are planning on making this a lifestyle, you should ask your doctor about a script for some phenagren supositories." Wow, I have not been so drunk and hung over since college. This is definately not the lifestyle for me. I am not a good drunk...I require supervision as much as (if not more than) DD.

Grace was never my middle name...

I've fallen, tripped, swung and hung my way pretty much all the way up the east coast. I have four primary witnesses to all these incidents. My cousins, and my auntie. They are my best friends and among my greatest supporters. They always cheer me on, they really want to see me regain my balance, they cheer through all my windmills, and staggering, and they always seem to be around when these things are happening. Truly I do better drunk than I ever have sober. Here are a few stories of my greatest blunders in the realm of physics. Somewhere through all of this God and Einstein are getting a big kick outta me. Most memorable among these blunders are Traveling, Boston, At Home, The Possum, Something in the Attic, Gym Shorts Wanted, Please Don't Tell or Mom will Kill Me, Asphyxiation for Lunch, Matrix Madness and Mud & Blood. Occasionally I will write one, for today DD has requested traveling...enjoy!

Traveling
First thing that should probably be known is that I am 5'2. I am not tall at all. I am short. Usually this works well for me. I can slip in and out in a big crowd, swift and nearly unseen. However it can be a huge hindrance as well. I should probably alsomention that I am a thrill seeker. I love a good ride. So I love things like escalator, elevators and my best cheap thrill -the tram at the airport. From the time I hear the warning to please move to the center of vehicle and away from the doors I am thrilled! One day it went very awry.

My aunt and my sister were going on a trip to Disney World. I was about 16 and my sis was 11. We were at the Hartsfield Jackson Airport, which is huge. Sarah and I debated for a moment with our aunt because we were debating taking the moving sidewalk (those are fun to. I have a bionic woman feeling whenever I hop on one), but the fastest way was the tram. One huge ride down a steep, mildly lit escalator and we were there, I was so happy. Unfortunately the airport was crowded. We were packed in like luggage between people wearing suits, and briefcases. Disappointed, I stood there holding on to the pole nearest the door (we were just barely able to squeeze in). Once we came to a stop I had to move back quickly so I didn't get shoved out the door. I moved as far back as I could (which wasn't very far, I was swimming upstream, a taller person wouldn't have been able to get even that far), and grabbed onto one of the leather straps hanging above and waited for the crowd to pass while trying to look for my aunt and sister who had to be very nearby. As soon as I stood on my tip toes and grabbed that leather strap I knew that it was a bad idea and I could not spend the ride like this, but no sooner had I come to this realization than the train took off! Gravity is funny..I find that often The Law of Gravity and Murphy's Law go hand in hand. the train propelled forward and I was pushed back knocking me off of my tip toes. My right arm was gripping the leather strap and the other was trying to regain some sort of balance and hopefully a little dignity. However all I seemed to manage to do wad send myself swinging in an elliptical motion trying to get my little tip toes enough on the ground. At some point during the swing I was twisted around to face the rear of the car and saw my aunt red faced from laughing. Sis was oblivious! She was looking out the window and watching everything fly by, I was pissed! I swallowed my already wounded pride and braced myself for the long haul. We were traveling to the furthest concourse from the actual airport and this trip, while short, happened to be the longest ride you can take on the tram. I had always hoped for this, usually we were a closer gate, so I was missing my first big trip on the tram swinging uncontrollably. My arm was starting to give out, it was shaking and I was trying to get my other arm up to help out but I couldn't get it up there, so now I'm swinging elliptically and my arm is swinging in the same motion . My aunt was rolling...Sister was oblivious. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the tram finally came to an abrupt stop. Gravity has shifted suddenly and is now pushing down, and no longer at an angle. My arm gave out and I fell. I quickly regained my footing and my aunt helped me exit the tram -I was still a little stunned.


A note on my aunt.

Sister and I loved going places with her!! Since we were small we were taken to scitrek, the High Museum (we didn't do that too often scitrek was way cooler), and Fernbank. When we weren't doing something educational we were catching a movie, or going somewhere small and trendy in the city, even a trip to the coffee shop was cool -all the different jars of beans all different flavors and so fragrant, sometimes we'd drop in on a florist in that area who happened to be a friend of hers. When we spent the night she always brought out a special picture book with story, it was my sister and my favorite story Koko's Kitten. If it hadn't been for my aunt my world would be so much smaller that I's impossible to fathom. She introduced us to so many ideas. She is a wonderful person whom I love very much.

Recent Disturbing State of the Airport
The Atlanta airport is huge and international. I love watching people in transit. The hustle and bustle never fails to cheer me up. So anytime I can get there I do. If it weren't sucha treacherous drive I would be there more often just to hang out and shop at all the little specialty stores, since 9-11 this is no longer possible. If you don't have a ticket or purpose it's move along please. This intimidates me and un-nerves me, my favorite place has become a nightmare. On the news I saw a women who was being beat up by a few rogue officers abusing power for parking where she probably shouldn't to get her elderly mother into the car, the mother is using a walker and doing alright but obvoiusly couldn't make the walk to the parking deck (I think that since this happend there are actually more wheelchairs in the airport), the whole time the woman is being beaten she's trying to tell her mother that she's fine, SHES NOT FINE! HE WAS 250lbs AT LEAST, SOLID MUSCLE AND HITTING HER WITH A BILLY CLUB!!!! THE TAPE OF THE ENTIRE INCIDENT WAS SHOWN ON THE NEWS. IS THIS FOR REAL!!! I AM SO OUTRAGED AND ANGRY...THIS WAS ON THE NEWS PEOPLE!!!

Before all this however, it was wonderous and wonderful place..

The Weekend Plans

We are all preparing to go to the nudist park this weekend for the mystery Dinner and my Mom's birthday. DD is so excited that she is calling and warning all those in her call list that are likely to be hit. Namely Aretha - If you read this just turn off your phone on Saturday. Bucket, you know you will be called. Drunk Dialer will be staying in the tent with us...She hates to camp but figures she will to drunk to care. We are all very excited! More updates to come!

What the Hell?

The news just pisses me off now. I used to love to sit down at night and see what was going on with the world. Now I feel the urge to throw things at the TV, is that normal? I am sick of seeing that Idiot "W" on TV, telling me things will get better...Cause they aren't. Gas is over $3/gallon here and half the stations don't have any gas to begin with. Also he is nominating a woman to the Supreme Court who has never been a judge, has no public record and is refusing to release any documents that may help. That is just the beginning. There is rumor of GA banning Gay Adoption. The legislation has not been introduced, but "the time is right" according to most experts. I need to move, I know, I hear it all the time, but how can anything change in good ole Georgia if all the gays and lesbians and people with heart and compassion leave the state to uber-Christian conservative republicans? Then my favorite story of today is that in Indiana, where BTW DD is from, there is a bill in the house that would ban anyone who is not in a heterosexual marriage from having any sort of fertility treatment. That means no lesbian could have insemination in Indy...That sucks. Maybe I am just menstrual and everything is getting under my skin, but really all I can say after looking at the news is WHAT THE HELL? I wonder if I throw a shoe at the TV if it will be covered under warranty?

A Quick Note on Hell Week

Work is extra stressful so I'm extra moody. I cried forever at a movie the other night and DD had to make a midnight Hershey run. One giant bar of chocolate which I consumed in a night. It was one of the great big ones, and I was getting pissed off cause I was wondering who ate it when I came to the realization that I had been alone in the back room and ate my chocolate my damn self and could not blame it on DD and Shinola who wished nothing more than to leave me alone. After that realization I was calm and considerate -the chocolate finally took effect. However, today I have run out of chocolate, my job sucks and is super stressful, I wish I had a punching bag, or one big soundproof room in which I could scream for an hour. In the meantime I'll see if DD will make a run for me, providing I ante up for her and Shinola a little something also...I'm sure I can do that...While they are away I think I'll get a pillow and punch it till it's fluffy. This should alleviate the lack of punching bag issue, as well as make the living room look nice by fluffiness the pillows. This, I know, will make DD happy..

And it begins

Well, here it is we have reached hell week in the fishbowl. It is PMS time here. Yesterday, I almost cried twice at work...for no real reason. I call these PMS panic attacks. The main distinction between this and a real panic attack is that PMS panic attacks are usually over something that would not bother you and is accompnied by bloating and pimples. You know the kind when you are so pissed off (which doesn't have to have a real cause) and then someone (or something) speaks to you (or gets in your way), and then the next thing you know you are on the floor in the fetal position crying. Yeah...those.

So let it begin. I am the leader here in our little house and my little freak-out signals the beginning of a week-and-a-half of sheer terror. If there is a fight brewing, it will erupt during this time. Tears and Chocolate, that is what it is, tears and chocolate.

Today, I got up late, ate a sandwich (chicken, it was really good) then started watching "Steel Magnolias". Then a Dairy Queen commercial came on. Blizzards rock! So, I made a command decision that Ze and I would go. But then we thought about something. We can get to Steak and Shake quicker. So off we went for Milkshakes (double chocolate chip) and onion rings, which frankly aren't the best onion rings but get the job done. We have dinner with friends tonight. The fishbowl is going on a field-trip.

What kind of gorging and fights may ensue over the next week? Who can say?